Uncomfortable Questions: Relationship Edition

It’s Valentine’s Day this week and that means love is in the air. Or maybe that’s the smell of discount chocolate. Either way, we’re happy. 

Dating is a roller coaster of elation and general disappointment, and there are plenty of uncomfortable questions on the journey to find the one. Obviously, time and place is everything for these questions, so we’ve broken them down based on how long you’ve been dating. An intimate question you may get on a first date won’t be as uncomfortable (or easy to dodge) after you’ve been dating awhile.

It’s a Match!
You swiped right and now time for the awkward small talk. 

“How many kids do you want?”
What you think:
 In general or with you?
What you say:
Hmm, not sure. You?

“When can I meet your parents?”
What you think:
Probably never.
What you say:
Oh, they live really far away (even if they don’t).

“What’s your address? Do you live alone?”
What you think:
Boy bye.
What you say:
Boy bye.

Let’s Meet Up!
You made it past the initial back and forth and have put on your best blue suede shoes to nervously meet them at a neutral, very public location.

“How much money do you make?”
What you think:
None of your goddamn business.
What you say:
Hmm, I’m pretty private about my finances. Why do you ask?

“Can you get the tab?”
What you think:
Can you lose my number? 
What you say:
I’ll get my plate/coffee/drink, thanks.

“What’s wrong with you that you’re still single?”
What you think:
You realize you’re single too right?
What you say:
Oh haha. (To the waiter) Cheque please!

Hey, you up?
It’s official, you’re dating. Or maybe just seeing each other. What exactly are you?

“When do I get to meet your friends?”
What you think:
Hmm, I was really hoping we could hold off on all the embarrassing stories for a while longer.
What you say:
Oh, uh, soon!

“How attached are you to your children/pet?”
What you think:
Oh they’re not going anywhere; you on the other hand…
What you say:
Pretty attached. Why do you ask?

“Does it hurt when you pee too?”
What you think:
You motherfucker. 
What you say:
I’m going to call my doctor (then immediately block their number).

There are of course, exceptions to these questions. It really depends on how much you like the person and the context. As you’re with someone longer, the uncomfortable questions become more important, but nothing is more dreaded than the “Where is this going?” You’re on your own for that one.

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